NARKOZ/hacker-scripts ? reverse-engineered prompt

Build me a funny little repo of automation scripts based on the Hacker Scripts idea, with a few scripts that do ridiculous office stuff on a schedule.

I want versions of the main scripts that can run from cron, read environment variables from a config file, and send messages or emails based on simple conditions. One script should text a made up excuse if there are active SSH sessions after hours, another should send a sick day email in the morning if nobody is logged in, another should scan email for a certain sender and reply automatically, and another should wait a bit and then trigger a network coffee machine command.

Keep it lightweight, mostly simple command line scripts, and make sure each one is easy to run separately. Add a clear README with setup steps, the needed env vars, and sample cron entries. If it helps, look up current docs online for any libraries or APIs you need to use.